When you just don't feel like going out!

The lads had been going back and forth with messages upon Facebook arranging a ride out for Saturday morning. I only sent a few short messages, saying I didn't feel like heading out, but hoped they enjoyed themselves. As the days go by I just feel weaker and weaker and everything feels like a chore.

Well Saturday morning arrived I hadn't set my alarm like I usually would and was awakened by our doorbell ringing. Thoughts ran through my head 'aww just ignore it, who ever it is will go away'. I  then thought I had better go and see who it was. As I hopped down stairs using my elbow crutches as i couldn't be arsed to pop my leg on I saw though our kitchen window that it was my friend John. I went to the back door, opened it and John came in while I made a cup of tea and had some toast. 'You not up for a ride out' John said, to which I  replied 'I'm just not feeling it mate'. Soon after our other friend Lee arrived. When Lee saw I wasn't ready he asked 'You not coming'?, again I just repeated my earlier comment to John, saying I wasn't exactly feeling good. Lee was gutted, well so was John as they love hanging with me and going for a ride. Lee always says 'I always have an adventure or something happens when I am with you'. This is pretty much true, it's very rare we go out and something either funny, interesting or bizarre happens. As I was just finishing up my toast I spotted our other friend Al pull up in his car. At this point I was feeling a bit guilty, here were all the lads and me being a pussy just because I didn't feel too good. Before All got his bike unloaded off his car I hopped upstairs and popped my bikey gear on and got ready to head out with the boys.
              

Up the mucky farmers trail with Teflon Lee

Got to love the mud

Almost a death in the family, well more of a murder really!

Yesterday was a very traumatic day for me. I was up my friends Ade and Amanda's when I received the terrible news via text from my son Kyle that one of my dearest friends, had almost lost his life. This friend has been with me for well over 20 years through thick and thin. He has been there through relationship break ups, seen me through bad times and has always been there to listen. Admittedly he never says anything back in return, but at least I know he's not going to give me shit advice, try and play me or steal any potential girls. He loves me unconditionally and never expects anything in return, well apart from the odd drink now and again.

It wasn't me

Yes I love my Groot. Groot is an umbrella tree I have had him since he was a baby. I can still remember bringing him home, aww bless he was just a wee shoot of a thing. But with love and attention he grew up to be a beautiful, though slightly weird shaped plant. The thing I especially like about Groot is he doesn't conform to other umbrella trees, he has a mind of his own and does his own thing. He sprouts his leaves at weird times and at funny angles.

I can recall when I used to have him in the living room near our sofa, we would watch films together and Groot would tickle my head with his leaves as they bent right over the back of the sofa.  I would often chat to him and tell him 'what a pretty boy, Oh yes you are' and I swear he would rustle his leaves and grow a few millimetres by the next day.

Anyhoo back to this terrible text , it went : Kyle - 'Grandad just told me that Baxter just ate some of Groot'
 
Me - 'Is Groot ok'
 
Kyle - 'He says No, Groot is not ok, he is an amputee like you now, but has lost two limbs instead of one'

Baxter is a bad bad dog

Omg wor Baxter has tried to murder my best friend. I was not a happy bunny. When I got in Groot wasn't in his normal place and I panicked thinking Ern may have buried him or something in the back garden. 'Where's Groot' I shouted up our stairs. 'He is in the sitting room' Ern replied. I opened the door and was devastated to see my usually leafy friend was bare. Two of his wonderful stalks had been eaten and the leaves and branches gone.
 
Baxter came to greet me I gave him a 'You are a bad boy look', to which he returned my look with a 'it wasn't me, honest' expression.


Groot is now down to one stalk I do hope he recovers from this traumatic incident. I will be doing everything I can to nurse him back to full health. Even though the bloke at the job centre asked if my leg was going to grow back and it hasn't so far I have faith that Groots stalks will return.

Ok I have to go it's just all too much...

Sometimes not planning a route, turns out to be the best route.

It's been ages since I last rode with my good mate Lee. What with Lee working shifts and me never knowing where or what I am going to be up to and like everyone stuff just gets in the way from time to time.  Anyhoo Lee had given me a shout on Facebook Sunday night saying 'Hey I'm off tomorrow you up for a ride out?'. 'Sure' I replied as long as it's not an epic as I have been feeling really tired over the last week or so. In fact I hate to admit it but 2 days running I had hardly gotten out of bed. It wasn't the fact I was like sleepy tired, no more of a bone weary tired. After I had rode the 38 miles or so the other week when I went down to Tynemouth and back with my other friend John I just felt absolutely knackered and it must have lingered on. I am pretty stubborn and for me feeling like this is just not on, though I am learning sometimes I do need to give myself a break and rest and take it easy, other wise it takes even longer to get myself put right and this causes me to become even more anxious and frustrated.

Down the leafy trail

Lee

A Tootle from Newcastle to Tynemouth

****Update****

Decided to play around with some of my footage from my outing with John. There was so much stuff that I could probably make 3 or 4 small movies. May do more later but for the time being this crudely put together bit will have to do :)

 

Good news on the old White Blood Count

After having my bloods retaken on Tuesday I was very surprised to discover they had risen from 0.52 all the way up to 3.79. I'm not sure what I have been doing but it must have worked. My friend Ade reckons it was that trip we had to Holy Island lol. I have been trying to exercise (maybe a little too much at times) by getting out on my bikes and I have been eating plenty of mixed fruit and berries and drinking a lot more water.

Yesterday (Thursday) I attended Shotley Bridge chemotherapy day unit for my 5th cycle of treatment. When I was there the haematology nurse came over to have a chat and explained that as my Wbc's were not recovering each time I had treatment they thought it a good idea that this cycle I only have one session of chemo and antibody and this would also be the case for my next cycle. So I have today off from treatment and I have awoken feeling quite good. The side effects to the drugs usually kicks in around 4 days later, however last month I didn't experience hardly any, well apart from the dop in my wbc count.

The hardest part for me is having to try and take things easy and being off work, it gets so boring. I have never been a one for sitting still, yet due to unforeseen circumstances a great deal of my life has forced me to do just this. I think that is why I get so wound up at times now I just want to get on. Never mind just one more session and then normal service shall be resumed and I can ease back into the swing of things.

So much to look forward to and feeling well which will be a huge bonus. I never really seem to have a plan for life I rarely know what I am doing from one week to the next however I do know I want to achieve and accomplish more, doing what well I haven't a clue.

One things for sure my future will never pass me.

Have a great day everyone x

Bad Boy Baxter

So my dad comes up into my bedroom and says ' Errr did you leave the downstairs toilet door open'. (that's where we have our shoe rack and my cycling jackets hung behind the door) 'No I don't think so' I replied 'Why'. Too which Ern said 'Well wor Baxter has been in and ate my slippers', ah well that's not so bad I thought. Then my dad said 'He has also ate part of one of your new road bike shoes', 'awwww crap that's bad' I thought. On further investigation yep Baxter has decided to chew off the ratchet strap and part of the ratchet on my new Spiuk roadie shoe.

Bad Boy Baxter

I went to his crate where he was lying, looking up with a slightly 'It wasn't me' look upon his cute little face. 'Bad dog' I said as I showed him my shoe.

These stink Anyhooo

Ern is now on sorting the downstairs toilet door making it Baxter proof. You see it did have a roller ball catch. Ern is now putting on a proper catch so that Baxter can't just nudge the door and get in. I can't be mad with him as he really is a lovely little fella. I guess if you aren't giving him 100% attention he gets bored and goes looking for trouble. Baxter loves attention, he is one of the friendliest and loveable bullys and such a character.
 

Huh it wasn't me Honest!

A very enjoyable adventure to Holy Island

Following my visit to see my friends Ade and his wife Amanda yesterday and being at a slightly loose end as I am off work, (supposed to be taking it easy) I suggested to Ade 'why don't we go somewhere tomorrow. I am useless trying to think of new places to go so asked Ade did he have any thoughts. 'oh I wouldn't mind a look to Holy Island, sometime', he said thinking that we could maybe do that sometime in the future. Ade really wanted to head up that way and get some shots of the Puffins that frequent the Island. So I suggested 'hey why don't we just go tomorrow'. I mean we both didn't have any other plans and now I have my little car, it meant I wasn't leaving Ern vehicle-less. 

Looking over to Lindisfane

Amanda checked the tidal times that evening and I arranged to come up for Ade at around 6am the following morning. I then headed home and ended up having a late night, so come 5:30 am when my alarm went off I had only had just over two hours sleep. Strangely enough I awoke feeling quite good, my niggley cough which I have had the last few weeks didn't seem as bad and I felt like I had a little more energy. I got up, washed and dressed, grabbed my gear and set off for Ade, no breakfast this morning I just didn't have time.
Arriving at Ade and Amanda's, Amanda had made me a lovely cup of tea and I only had to wait a little while, whilst Ade got his camera gear and other bits and bobs sorted, then we were off.

I'm getting to grips with the new head unit I have put into Tango. It's a canny bit of kit for the money. I bought the unit off Amazon after looking for head units with a Sat Nav function. The Unit is a Pumpkin 6.95" Android 4.4 Universal In Dash HD Touch screen Car DvD player with GPS Navigation, stereo Am and FM radio support, as well as offering SD/USB ,Bluetooth/3G/Wifi/OBD2/ 1080P

Nice features and seems to work well

A little play around with the Sat Nav and we soon had a route to follow. The unit comes with iGo maps installed on a micro SD card and once you get used to the format of how to input stuff the Sat Nav works extremely well. As I recall I think the Sat Nav said we had around 70 odd miles to get to Holy Island. 

Time to think positive

The last few months have been difficult due to all this treatment, however even more so as my white blood count has been so low. Last month I was at around 0.72 and this month it had dropped to 0.14. On today's visit to Shotley Bridge and the chemo day unit my WBC (white blood count) had only marginally risen to 0.52. Ideally I need it to be at at least 1.5 so I can have treatment, this means I have a way to go.

At the moment I have a slight cold and this could be effecting how quickly my WBC comes up. I'm going to have to be a little cautious I guess as I really don't want to be spending time in some hospital ward.
 
After calling one of the G.P's at my local surgery I felt a bit better in my thinking as the doctor agreed I really should be off work and she had no qualms about issuing me a sick note. In my head i tend to think of this whole situation as no big deal and just wish I could get the bloody thing over and done with and get back to whatever 'normal' is for someone like me.

I've spent the last few weeks feeling rather down what with one thing and another I go through periods like this and always learn from them. Sometimes I need down time to allow me to reflect and appreciate 'hey you know what I can't always fix everything and it's not always my fault'. Sometimes things just follow a course or path that makes us sad or unhappy, but hey that is just life and no matter what we try to do fate or destiny or whatever you want to call it just keeps on coursing ahead.

I guess it's now time to regroup and think positive and get things in to  perspective and just do what I do best, dust myself off say 'Fuck it' and aim to be the best person I can be for myself and others.

As many of you will know I have a habit of writing from the heart and I think that is why so many people like my writing style. As I was out riding my bike the other day and was totally knackered, a song came on my mp3 player and  the lyrics certainly touched a chord with me as that was the way I was feeling at the time, they went as follows 'Wheeling through an endless fog', how the hell I managed to then get up that geet big hill amazed me, as I was feeling pretty depressed. It's funny how music can have such an impact on you and boy at times the fog is so thick.

Today however I feel a bit different, not sure why I mean things aren't exactly great, but I just know that the fog will never remain endless. Even when we feel life isn't exactly treating us kindly, change is occurring every second of every day, sure we can feel sorry for ourselves and try to slow it down, but it is inevitable, so why not go with the flow and move forward instead or trying to remain static. I think my biggest achievement is possibly in trying to give other people hope. Especially when they hear 'yeah I get down', I'm quite proud I can also get back up and learn from my experiences each time.

Just some thoughts from today :)

Does anyone really read this anyways

I haven't been blogging as much lately I mean I have still been doing stuff, just it doesn't feel important or interesting enough to really write about and lets face it who wants to read about negative stuff, because that's the way I have been feeling. Rides out haven't been so much about fun, but pushing myself way to far, because I feel weak and it's a kind of way of saying screw you to whatever bad is going on at the moment.

I really need to get out of this sort of self destruct phase, as although no time is good to be feeling like this, well it's even worse now that these stupid white blood cells are at zero and I need to be thinking and acting positively. Everyone always comments on how positive I am and in a way this just puts additional pressure on as I'm going through a hard time at the moment and just feel pretty alone.

And that's the negative stuff out the way no need to call the Samaritans just yet lol. I really need to practice what my headline says upon my blog page, just in a difficult place at the moment. Sure normal service will be resumed quite soon.

So dark in the woods had to have the flash on

Plans for this week, none. I just wake up and see what happens, so what happened this morning. My friend John messaged me asking how I was and did I fancy doing anything. We discussed either going for a ride in Tango, but couldn't think of anywhere, or an adventure out on the bikes. Bikes it was. John always leaves the route finding to me I don't know why as I always get us lost. Sometimes getting lost is half the fun though and today was no different. We discovered yet more new single track and had to ride up a long winding bank, great more punishment lol.

Taking a break

At Lamsley on a rock

John

I tried to pop my cheerful head on for John this morning, not sure I pulled it off. I have a really dark sense of humour, something John has now become accustomed to, so we quite often have a good laugh as my pessimism can actually be quite funny.

   

I think it's raining

Today's ride was a very wet one, we hardly saw anyone out, but I really enjoyed it. I love the rain, the pitter patter as you ride through the woods as the drops hit and fall from the leaves. The suck of your tyres as you go through mud and of course once you are wet, well it doesn't make a difference if you then ride through puddles and have a bit of a splash.

A couple of selfies on to of the Causey Arch, didn't discover any 'Cocks' today

Just me soaked through

I wasn't expecting it to lash down like it did, so today's ride probably wasn't the best idea. I'm in trouble if I catch a cold or bug.

Bright Light!

And that's about all I have to say for now lol

I'm at almost zero

So cycle 5 is due on Thursday 1st  and Friday 2nd October, or rather it was. Just been for blood tests and the nurse came back with an 'Oh doesn't look like you will be having your treatment this week'. She then went on to grab another two nurses who came along to see me and all 3 of them appeared really concerned, one in fact not even wanting to breath on me lol. I was then lectured on if you have the slightest cough,cold,chill or fever you must ring up and inform us.

'How are you feeling?' they asked to which I replied 'Err a little tired and down'. I had thought I was coming down with a cold early last week, but it's nowt really a few sniffles and I have had a sore throat for ages now, it's no big deal.

Today my white blood count was practically at zero, reading 0.14, this means my immunity is pretty shocking. One of the nurses commented on how weird it was that I looked so well. Anyhoo the results from today means more time off work and I have to be really careful. So I guess when I go out for bike rides I will just have to pull up my Arctic ONE Buff and this should hopefully stop peoples Cooties from infecting me.

My daughter Kayleigh has been on the phone texting me. I have told her not to worry, this is just another challenge. The reply I got was ever so sweet and it shows how much she loves me.She said in a txt 'It's hard no to worry :( literally hate how everything shit happens to you! You don't deserve it :( xxx  I don't really believe in luck or misfortune, shit happens to good people all the time and I see people worse off than me almost every day of the week, so it makes me feel lucky for the things I do have in my life. Yeah I go through phases where I feel everything is against me and when this happens I tend to go into hiding to regroup which can scare some people as they must think I'll never return.

At the moment my worst fear is having to take more time off work. Not only do I feel I am letting my work colleagues down, as well as my patients, but being off means I have way too much time to think and analyse what exactly I am doing on this planet. Feeling slightly lost.com

Support of your friends when you are feeling a bit down

This week has been a difficult one, what with going back to work and not exactly feeling 100%. I have felt in a low mood and add to the fact I'm a bit stressed over my forth coming treatment well it hasn't been an exactly great week. I hate it when I'm off work as I have far too much time to think and over think, then think some more and I end up becoming really tired and everything gets too much. The one thing that anyone who knows me knows is that I am very honest and I guess that goes for my blogging too. No good pretending everything is hunky dory when it's not. Sometimes things just don't work out the way you plan or stuff happens and it leaves you, well I can't even think of a word, maybe 'Lost' is as good as any.

Anyhoo after all the shit I have been through over the years I have discovered I am pretty resilient I just retreat behind my defences, learn from my experiences and try not to bring everyone else down around me. My unhappiness I pop in a little locker within my head and try not to visit it. I have always been the same I find it incredibly difficult to give myself a break yet, I'm great at shining a little light on others. My friends John and Ade have been very supportive this last week I'm not great at taking advice and tend to switch off. I have been told off by Ade as he knows I can so easily slip into hibernation mode and no one will see me for months on end.

I won on the Euro Millions this Friday and was already preparing in my head to move to Alaska, live in a cabin and become a recluse, unfortunately I don't think I can manage it on £2.90, ah well there is always next week.

My mates John and Lee were messaging me all Friday, arranging to head out on the bikes. Truth be known I just didn't feel like it. I had kind of lost my MoJo and have just been taking to my bed when I have come in from work, hiding under the quilt. I like sleeping when I can as it doesn't mean I am thinking. Anyhoo John mentioned I had to go out as a friend we had met on Facebook and who runs a group called simply 'Bike' wanted to head out with us and was eager to meet both John, Lee and myself. Not being big headed but David really wanted to meet me as he sees me as an inspiration. Again not blowing my own trumpet I get this a lot and I can't for the life of me understand why. I'm just a very ordinary guy, who makes the most of what I have got and can do. I often feel guilty as I think I have to live up to this idea of what people think I am and obviously I can't so it's a bit of a fail on my part. Again just how I perceive myself I guess, pretty sad really. On a positive I do try to be the best I possibly can and I am very warm and friendly and people do take to me pretty quickly. I am now very good at wearing this veil and hiding my true feelings and try to be bubbly and bright even when I am feeling crap, well it's not very nice bringing people down as they have their own problems and quite often as not they are ten times worse than mine.

So I decided to hook up with John and Lee and we arranged to meet David down at Rowlands Gill outside Maguire's Fish Shop the following day, Saturday at 9:00 am. I awoke pretty early and got all sorted, retrieving my Pyga from the shed. Si my bike mechanic had returned my bike all serviced and everything in good working order. I hopped on my bike and headed over the Font to retrieve some funds out of the cash machine, then decided what the hell I may as well ride up Durham Road Bank and go and meet John. Just as I got to the top there he was coming down. He greeted me with an 'Alreet mate how ye dee'in', to which he got a slightly subdued 'ahh am ok'. We then headed down the bank to call on Lee. A quick chat with Michelle, Lee's wife and we were off. Across to the farmers trail and up, the start of another adventure for the 3 Amigo's.

It didn't take us all that long to get to Rowlands Gill and we only had to wait 5 minutes or so before David turned up. It was then hand shakes all round and brief introductions oh and I grabbed a photo of us all. David saying 'aww man a hate me photo taken', tough mate when you are with me you got to have your pic taken it's how I recall memories.
 

David,John,Me and Lee

From the chippy we headed down the road and were soon on the Derwent Walk and heading up to Blackhill and Consett. It was nice taking it in turns to ride with one another and share a bit of banter. I rode much quicker and even though I was knackered today felt I did ok, it's probably because I wasn't on my Fattie which drags like hell. It was great hearing a little about David and just having a bit of fun with friends old and new. My mates mean everything to me as they are so supportive and even when I am feeling down put up with me and offer words of wisdom and encouragement. I really tried to be upbeat today as it was my first time meeting David and obviously I don't want him thinking I'm  a miserable twat.

 

Photo by John -Lee, Glenn & David

Soon we were at Blackhill, it was only like 10:10 or something so I suggested we head on up to MacDonald's for a cuppa and we could have a chat outside. Everyone was up for this so we set off again. Following on from MacDonald's we headed over to the sculptures as David wanted to grab some pictures and this is where we said our farewells. John, Lee and myself headed down towards Lanchester Way,saying what a canny lad David was. We will definitely arrange another ride out soon and David would like to meet wor Baxter and get a few photo's of him.

Just as we got down to the big red tug before the Hownsgill Viaduct I spotted a couple of lads at the side of the trail. One of them was on a  very nice Trek Farley Fat Bike, so I had to stop and say hello as you do. As I spoke to this very friendly gentleman John said 'Oh hey we have met affor man'. It turns out we had spoke to Ian once before at the Toon. he was on his other Fat bike at the time lol small world. Ian introduced us to his friend Steve and we shared a canny bit craic. Ian and Steve asking where the tea rooms where at the Gill. We showed them the way and then said goodbye, two really canny blokes, if you see this lads hope you got back safe and sound and it was great seeing you again Ian.

Steve and Ian

It didn't take us long to get down to Hurbuck Cottages and from there we joined the road  and headed along to the turn off for Stoney Heap. Here there was a canny climb, Lee was off in his typical Wiggins style, whilst John and I huffed, puffed and whined all the way up. John describing his ass as being off the Richter scale. As we rode up the bank I was his inspirational and motivational coach, saying 'you can't get off, just keep going m8, get to the next post'. A quick breather at the top and then we were off again. It didn't take long to get to Stanley a quick dodge down the Front Street past all the waifs and strays and before long Lee and I were saying bye to John. Lee and I then whizzed down the back streets of Durham Road, Lee actually slowing down for the junction this time as last time he almost went arse over tit as a car approached the road. I was shouting 'Watch oot for the road like'.

Got home and Ern was in the shed fixing kids bikes lol, his normal daily routine really.

A quick shower and it was almost time to head back up for John along with my dad and Essi my friend who has been visiting a few days. We were all going to have a ride through to the Mercedes dealership so that I could pick Tango my Smart Car up. Tango's been in to get a few bits and bobs done under a recall after the alternator belt snapped and disintegrated. A little chat to the service guy and one of the car salesman and John and I jumped in Tango. I've been getting a new radio and dear me it took me ages to connect my phone so I could play a few tunes on the way home. Soon on our way though.

I think John was impressed with the performance of my little car as it can whizz along considering it's only a 1 litre. It's such a fun little car to drive. When I got home I had a bit fanny around with the radio and think I have it sussed. I even popped a movie on a memory stick and was well impressed it plays.
 
Various stuff going on that has given me a different perspective on everything, not sure whether it's good or bad, maybe it requires more analysing, something I am very good at. I hate it when I can't fix things, me included.
 
A huge thanks to all my friends for your on going support and trying to cheer me up...Sorry this isn't as positive a post as usual, a lot going on and struggling for answers.

The End!



Oh Ps David has promised me some of his photo's as I just wasn't in the mood today.

A lovely afternoon out, over at Wylam.

Friday evening and my usual venture up to my good friends Ade and Amanda's. It has become a part of my weekly schedule to go up on a Friday evening and there we have a catch up talking about the weeks events and Amanda makes me several cups of tea and plies me with various cakes, biscuits, bags of crisps and even on occasion ice cream lollies.

Anyhoo on Friday I mentioned to Ade I would really like to try and get some decent photo's of Hagg Bank Bridge as Rachael had mentioned she liked the bridge as it used to be on her daily commute on her way into work each day when she was on the train. So I arranged with Ade that we would have a drive over that way the following day.

After having a bit of a nightmare getting my new car, "Tango" taxed because of this cherished plate transfer. I was over the moon to have been able to sort it all out on Friday morning. So my little Smart car was all road legal and I was looking forward to a blast out in her. The little Smart is so much fun to drive and quite pokey around town, in fact it surprises quite a few drivers just how quick it is. Quite a few people have a habit of pulling out on me as they think "Oh it's only a Smart Car".
 

Tango

Continuing to get out

It's all just about getting out, it doesn't really matter where. I'm happy as long as I can try to retain some semblance of fitness and not just sit in the house feeling utterly fed up and bored. I have had way too much of that in the past and whenever illness creeps up I panic.

I'm going to keep this a short blog as I think people get fed up with just reading about me going out on my bike and writing about it all the time. I mean I do always try to put a bit of something in my writing, whether it's humour, a little history now and again or just how I'm dealing with stuff and others may take something from that...I don't know. Writing these blogs is therapeutic for me and it also gives me something to look back on. Sure some of the memories aren't fond ones, but the majority are. Sometimes we have to go through the bad times to truly appreciate just what
a good time we are having.

Beautiful skies

Moo cows in the lush field

Down the Trail

Today's ride out was a 20 miler with my friend John. John and I are regular riding partners and although we haven't been out as much this year I know all I have to do is give John a shout and he is there to go for a ride and brighten up my day. We chat about anything and everything, mainly me doing the talking as well I'm good at it.


It was a cracking day for a ride. I don't know where John got his weather forecast from the night before but it was most definitely not raining and windy.

Rather than explain exactly where we went I will just say it was a local loop taking in the Lanchester Valley route and back home. We stopped along the Lanchester Valley Route to eat the berries I had brought along. Raspberries,black berries and blue berries. By the time I was finished with the blue berries my hand were all stained. I am trying to maintain eating lots of berries in the hope my bloods remain high, unlike a few weeks ago.

Lovely Berries

As we started back along the trail I informed John I was really socket sore. At the moment I have a really tender area where I weight bare on my sockets and wow is it hurting. So a little further down the trail I stopped and retrieved a Mepilex border which is a kind of plaster out of my bag. I then found a hidden spot between some bushes and proceeded to drop me draws and stick this plaster on my ass. They don't take away all the pain, but do give a little relief from the constant chaffing when I'm riding. The soreness and pain is one of the biggest limiting factors to my distance riding, well that and I am knackered from the chemo at the minute.

 

Berry stained fingers

As we came off the Lanchester Valley we headed up to Consett and got a coffee and a chocolate doughnut each from MacDonald's and sat out side and had a chat over them. We then headed back. When we came to near the Transformers sculptures I bumped into one of my old school friends dad. Dennis and his friend Doug are always out walking. I spent a good 20 minutes asking after him and Steven and the rest of his family and also about some of the places we have ridden and visited locally. Dennis likes history and walking so it was nice to share some of the trails we have been on. John and I then said our farewells and we continued on our way.

   

Lots of pretty flowers this time of year

As we got to the Ox Inn I called in. I am after some glasses you see. I want to get them for Rachael as she likes the design and the drink called Old Moot. It's a cider made in New Zealand I believe. My daughter Kayleigh had said the Ox may have some so I thought I would just go in and ask if they had any spare I could buy. The lasses behind the bar were very friendly, telling me they thought they had a few but the bar manager wasn't in and it would be up to her if they could sell the glasses. I just left my name and number on a piece of paper however haven't had a call as yet. Hey if you happen to have any old Moot glasses you don't want you know where to send them lol.

As I came out of the Ox I bumped into another cracking lad I know. So Steven and I shared a canny bit banter outside, me telling him about my new pup Baxter and Steven saying I would have to call along his sometime to show him Baxter. Again said our goodbye's and John and I continued down to Stanley and through the Front Street, then under the subway  and down Wear Road to  where John lives. "catch you later mate" I said  as I rode off down towards Durham Road and home. I even managed to get in our back yard without falling off, bonus.

   

The old Fat Bike is in need of some tlc

Whipped my BTK limb off and popped my everyday one on and then washed my little Smart car and gave her half a polish. Yeah I only polished the bonnet, roof, wings and the drivers side door. I was then knackered. I used Maguire's 3 stage stuff so had to go over each panel 3 times. Stage 1 a paint bringer backer upper'rer . Stage 2 a polish and stage 3 some canuba  wax. Tango now looks half shiny.

I'm a bit pissed off at moment car wise as I cannot use my little car. The car came with a private plate and I don't have the log book slip so cannot tax her. The previous owner wants this private plate back so I am not sure what the cars new registration will be. It's a right pain in the arse and very frustrating as I want to go out for a spin lol

What do you do to relieve stress?

So the other night I was feeling slightly stressed.  I had intended on heading out for a ride all day, but just never got around to it, busy sorting this daft bedroom out. When I did decide to finally go out I couldn't find my under shorts and then when I finally did find them I couldn't find my rear light. This just compounded my frustration and led to more feelings of "Aghhhhhh" I can't explain so that kind of sums it up.

Eventually I found all my gear but was so demotivated I decided to put it all away safely and just lie around feeling decidedly unhappy with myself "Pffffff".

This chemo has had some weird effects on me. I get really emotional and with being off work me being me I feel lazy. I'm not as active as I was and this gives me way too much time to over think every single situation and detail and generally get it totally wrong, creating more problems and complexities within my lets face it pretty simple life. Oh and did I mention my eye sight is horrendous now. I spoke to a MacMillan nurse and she informed me it may be due to the treatment. Driving on a night is the worst, as car lights feel like laser beams, they are just so bright. I quite often have to squint.

Looking out over Stanley at all the lights

The 3 Amigos ride again

It's been sometime since the 3 Amigo's have ridden together. I haven't seen Lee in months, what with not getting out and riding as much and then of course we all have our various jobs and different lifestyles and things to be doing. John on the other hand I see quite a bit of, well when I have been feeling well.

Anyhoo today was to be a special day and a chance for us all to have a catch up. Lee and John had done most of the arranging via Facebook and I just said "yeah I'll come along". The weather was supposed to be nice and we decided a route which would take us to Parkhead Cafe. It's round about a 37 mile there and back and the stop at the cafe halfway is always a welcome treat.
John arrived at my house for about 7:45 am and in typical fashion I was late. I always and i mean always lose something. This morning I couldn't find my Endura shorts and Arctic ONE Buff. Ern has been on sorting my inner wardrobes shelving in my room and everything is disorganised so my Ocd type layout of clothing which goes something like long sleeved shirts in colour order, short sleeved shirts with collars, T Shirts, Jeans, then casual shorts and then mountain bike gear colour organised was in total disarray. At the moment I have mountain bike gear with long sleeved dress shirts and shorts with other shorts that aren't mountain bike ones...Ok I'm going to stop writing about that as it's stressing me lol. You get the idea chaos in my room.

Eventually I discovered my Endura shorts hiding on the bottom rail and my Buff was where I had last put it in my Camelbak. Job sorted. I got my Fat Bike out and John and I headed over for Lee. Lee was almost ready and we were soon on the roll, heading over to the Font so that lee could grab a few quid out of the Post Office Speedbank.

We rode up past the entrance to South Moor Golf course and past the new housing estate, going up towards South Moor. A quick ride up Popular Street and we were soon at the bottom of the Black Path and heading up it to the top and Langley View. Soon we were over the road and up to the Morrison and his is where we got on the C2C. From there it's straight up to Parkhead, taking in Leadgate and Consett, before coming to Waskerley.
 

The 3 Amigos

Tango!

Me n Tango!

Upon visiting Ade and Amanda on Tuesday afternoon, talk came around to cars and my lack of one. I haven't had a car now since I sold my MINI  COOPER S way back in ooh I think it was 2007, a good few months before I had my leg amputated. Part of the cash I got for my car I gave to my dad to put towards our little Honda Jazz and the rest well I bought a rather expensive mountain bike.

Love at first sight

Anyhoo I was chatting way to Amanda and she asked me what did I fancy car wise. I have always fncied a "Smart Car" and had even done lots of research into getting one and then having it modified with a Hyabusa motor. The problem I always encountered was how to make the car semi automatic as I struggle with a clutch.

 Amanda happened to look upon Auto-trader asking me "what colour are you after", "Oh an Orange one I jested". After a few moments Amanda said "Hey there is one here in Orange". So I had a look and thought "wow that looks cool and it's not badly priced". Amanda sent me the link and I didn't really think anything more about it until the following day whilst out shopping with Ern.

"I'm just going to ring that garage and see if the car is still there" I said. I spoke to a lovely lad named Dean and pretty much decided then and there, you know what I'm going down to have a look at this car this afternoon.

Tango!

So that's what I did. I rang Ade asked him did he fancy a look down with Ern and I and we drove to Bradford. The garage was right next to Bradford Football ground and the Smart was in the forecourt, gleaming away. Dean invited me to check the car out, which I did and then it was job done. Make payment, sort out insurance then we had a drive home.

I'm very pleasantly surprised by this small shoebox on wheels. It is quite pokey for a 1.0 litre. I'm not sure I like the auto box as it is slow to change, however I have heard a remap can help with this. The interior is funky and has loads of room and I can get in and out with ease. It's also great on petrol and very comfy and fun to drive. The engine sound canny for a little car and the whole car feels like driving a go cart.

Rachael has decided to name my car Tango, it seems to fit as it is quite a bright orange colour.

Enjoyable jaunt out, but I can feel cells dying!

Had a really enjoyable ride out with John this morning. It was only a 15 mile local loop, taking in the Turbines on the Lonely road and more disgusting asshole fly tippers then down into Chapman's Wells. Then from there a ride back out and down to Holmeside , through the tail end of Craghead and down to Grange Villa. This is where we bumped into a very nice gentleman named Trevor and shared a good bit friendly banter.

Fly Tippers

Nice Filter on here

  Trevor asked about my prosthetic leg and informed both John and I he used to love to mountain bike, but unfortunately due to illness could no longer get out a s much. It was lovely talking to Trevor as I shared a certain empathy with him. Things like how at times you have felt like giving up, the "why me syndrome" and what the hell am I going to do now. Before giving yourself a good talking to and saying "you know what life isn't quite over just yet". Anyhoo long story short I told Trevor about my Blog and invited him to catch up with me on Facebook. We then discussed having a meet up at the Shepard and Shepherdess for a pint or tow. I love meeting new people and hopefully brightening up their day with a friendly "hallo". Life is so unexpected and you just have to go with the flow and grab all the opportunities you can.

  

Wheeeee!

Got to have a bit play

Even John joined in

 After saying shaking Trevor's hand and saying "bye", John and I headed up through Newfield, John getting the inevitable dog turd on his front tire. Well it wouldn't be a ride out with John if he didn't get some poo on his bike. It was then eventually across to High Handenhold where we got on the C2C and the route home. As we rode up the line I recognised my old boss from when I worked at Royal Mail. Melvin was a great manager and a gentleman I hold in very high regard. It was great to have a brief catch up.


Off the C2C and up Barn Hill, around by the indoor market and we were soon on to Stanley Front Street. I left John at his house saying "ta ta" and rushed down home to grab a shower. I was going to head out with my other friends Ade and Amanda and their middle son Jordan. I love hanging with all the Hair family as they are so warm and friendly. Ade and Amanda had invited me the day before to come along to the Hilltop and I "thought why not".


The Hilltop at East Stanley has all just been done out and made into a like proper prime beef type restaurant, that sells absolutely delicious steaks as well as fish and chips and other tempting things on their menu. I opted for a 12oz Rib Eyed Steak and wow was it beautiful, cooked to perfection, in my case medium rare. It was very reasonably priced to at £10.49. After the meal I was thinking I could possibly have polished off the 16oz, but not sure about the 32oz lol.

Mmmmmmm!

All in all a canny day like. Starting to feel the effects of the chemo again today. It's a strange feeling like yo can feel certain bits dying. I'm so tired right now. Quite a few people have commented I am maybe overdoing it, but I don't think so. I am feeling rather guilty being off work, so will see how I feel next week and hopefully make a return. Only 2 more cycles then I'm done with the chemo. I still have to go back and forth for antibody treatment of course for the next year and a half, but that is only once per month.

Ok will leave it there...

A painful day some unavoidable, some self inflicted

Yesterday as my bloods were sort of ok to go ahead with my chemo I received my 4th cycle. Wow it was tough going. After the nurse gave me some antihistamines I became really tired and kept nodding off. Thing was I couldn't get comfortable in the awful high chair I was sat in. The arms were to low so I ended up with a crick in my neck as I dozed. Five Hours sat in that chair and I was stiff as a board. It wasn't all bad however as I got chatting to some rather interesting fellow patients. One of whom informed me she was a psychologist working for the Open University. I really enjoyed our conversation and I am very proud that I can hold an intelligent back and forth. To think of years ago when I was practically socially isolated I wouldn't have had anything to chat about, never mind know how to do it.

Following my treatment I felt a bit like a space cadet as well as feeling a bit nauseous. This hasn't happened on my previous treatments, well not immediately, it's usually a few day later.

Rachael has been a star keeping me going with friendly daily text messages as she is away. This has really helped boost my morale and I am so looking forward to seeing her again on Sunday.

Today as I was only getting the chemotherapy drug I wasn't at the clinic as long. Thing is today the infusion really did bloody hurt. The chemotherapy drug comes straight out of the refrigerator and as it went in i got a sort of hard to describe sensation. A bit like a burn, yet freezing cold. I suppose I can only imagine it as like a frost bite sort of sensation. I was so glad when it was over. Sandra the very friendly nurse gave me a towel to drape over my arm whilst the drugs went in. In an effort to keep my arm warm.

Following my treatment I decided not to ring Ern and get a lift home, no in my wisdom I decided to set myself a challenge and walk the 8 miles home. So off I set in a poorly fitting socket and my flat soled shoes. Both socket and shoes were to prove a nightmare. As I blistered on my sit bone and my good foot within the first mile. Ah well only another seven to go. By the time I reached about mile four I was really struggling. Just then Rachael gave me an unexpected call and this really helped me through the next mile and a half as we chatted. Rachael is so loving and caring and I could tell she was a bit concerned, saying "don't over do it, call your dad". "It's a challenge" I replied to which she giggled. I think she is starting to understand what I am like and admires my determination and positivity. These are two qualities that sort of drew us together and I am very proud I possess them. So many people just sit around and whine and bitch, instead of taking positive action to enrich their lives.

By the time I approached the top of South Moor bank and the traffic lights at the Arch I was in so much pain. The worst was yet to come however and that was getting down the bank to my house. I decided to use a tactic I use when out on my single speed a zig zag through the houses and down the bank. Eventually I got in, it had taken me 3 hours and 47 minutes not a record I know. I covered 7.85 miles and I also burnt off 828 calories which is a few KitKats.

What a relief taking my leg and shoe off. Ahhhhh! time for a nice bath.... OMG! that stings as the water touched my botty blister. Just bought some lovely honey bath and shower gel, it was so relaxing and really hit the spot. Not bothered if our Kayleigh says I'll smell like a lass.

Now out the bath and feeling rather proud yet rather sickly, tired and sore. A rest day tomorrow me thinks then I'm off to see Rachael on Sunday and can't wait.

When the bad stuff just fades away...

As planned,  my friend John and I had a cracking ride out yesterday. I think it is the furthest I have ridden this year, not sure, but definitely the furthest whilst undergoing chemo and the furthest on my Fat Bike riding with Surly Nates. Those tires drag so much.

A riding selfie, it's all the craze with the young kids I swear

Our adventure began as usual at my house. John had contacted me the day before and asked did I fancy a ride out. To be honest, what with my blood results being better and being able to spend sometime with the new lady in my life Rachael on Sunday, I felt on top of the world. Yeah! there are still certain aspects in my life which suck, like being ill and being off work, but hey these will come right in due course. At the moment I'm just feeling so much love from Rachael and all my family and friends who have been ever so supportive.

Baxter has an aversion to water.

A rather laid back morning this morning. Having decided to take my good friend William Rosche's advice I made a bowl of porridge and went on to put in various berries into the mix. There were blackberries,strawberries,raspberries and blueberries. William has advised I try to eat a more healthy and balanced diet and add lots of berries, so that's just what I did.

As the weather was a bit naff outside and I'm still not quite feeling myself I decided I would have a root through my mp3 collection and on Spotify and make an album up of old tunes I like and maybe some new ones I could discover.

My dad is on sorting my bedroom out as we have totally stripped it. The wallpaper is off, the old bed has been thrown out and I'm waiting for a new one to arrive on Tuesday. Skirting board have been replaced and holes filled in walls. New sockets, switches and door handles purchased as well as a rather cool Chameleon light which I am looking forward to seeing in action. I asked Ern if I could do anything to help to which he replied "No not really", so I continued  searching for tunes. Well I tried to, you see we have this mischievous pup who is into everything. I finally had to give up and go keep him occupied, of course this was after he had done his Andrex puppy impersonation. Funny how on the TV the adorable Labrador runs away with the toilet roll and gently rolls it out. A bull terrier doesn't do this, no he much more prefers to take it out in the garden and proceed to rip it to shreds and have it all over the place. That's another toilet roll down. As there were none left he then decided what the hell I may as well eat the toilet roll holder. So it was fun and games chasing him around the house to retrieve the holder.    At lunch time Kyle and I decided to have a little snack. I had bought some asparagus and Parma ham as I had seen quite a few people eating it on these cookery programs and was interested to try it. It's a real easy snack to prepare, just wrap the ham around the asparagus and bang it in the oven for 5 minutes and hey presto done. Kyle wasn't exactly sure if he liked it. I however thought it was rather nice and would definitely have it again. It is a good source of vitamin E don't you know.

Baxter was back up to his usual tricks and pestering Ern as he tried to get stuff done. So Kyle suggested we take him out for a little walk. "How about the forges down at Beamish" I suggested. So off we set in the car. It doesn't take long to get down there. As we drove to where we could park up, it was absolutely chucking it down. Baxter was not impressed in the least and dragged all the way in to the woods, his little ears pinned back and trying to shake himself dry.

Baxter not impressed at all

 Once in the woods we took him to the small ford. He gave us the look "Nope it's never going to happen". Eventually he figured out how to step over from stone to stone without getting his paws wet. As Kyle went over the bridge I walked through the ford and brought Baxter along with me. It wasn't too deep, but he did not like it one bit. A few riders on horses passed us by in the woods and Baxter wasn't to sure of these, giving a little unsure growl. Finally he started to get a bit more confident and began to lead the way sniffing and exploring. We only went a short way before turning around and heading back, yes I dragged him through the ford again.

Got back home and Baxter was filthy and we were soaked through. Just enjoyed a nice hot shower.

  

I'm stuck

     

Is that a horse I spot